Today at church we discussed the movie Bucket List. We were asked to search our callings from Christ and discover what our 'bucket list' might entail. The first thoughts that come to my mind make me realize that my priorities are not where they should be. Not even close.
I want to have a house full of kids, I want to own my own bakery, I want to own a horse farm in Montana, I want to see my children get married and I want to ride off happily into the sunset with my husband.
What about that is pleasing to Christ? Nothing. I sat in church just broken. I realized that my life as I live it is in no way shape or form pleasing to Christ. What do I do to spread his word? What do I do to help the family of Christ grow? What do I do? Nothing. Plain and simple. I don't volunteer at church. I don't go to a lifegroup. I don't spend a lot of time outside of church in prayer. I go to church on Sundays, feel holy and pleased with myself on Mondays and I listen to Klove all week. What a slackjaw Christian I have become. I am the very epitome of what I dislike about Christianity. Then I sit here and I battle with myself. When do I have time for a lifegroup? I don't even have time to clean my house? When do I have time to volunteer? I don't want to go to a Lifegroup I'll get burned by Christian girls once again. I don't know as much about the Bible as half of the people in a Lifegroup. Why go? Can't the same thing be achieved at home?
I've been battling with myself long enough, people. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being content. I want to be on fire. I want to burn with the passion of Christ. I want my daughter to grow up with an awe for her mom's relationship with Christ. I want to be the epitome of Christ's grace and love for the world to see. I want so much more than I am! I am called to be so much more than I am. So what now? How do I start?
2 comments:
pray. It's what I do. pray and ask for guidance and ask for ideas and don't give up. Ask over and over for you to know what it is you should do. And just do whatever it is that makes you happy. I know he is proud of you for how you raise your daughter. It shows so obviously just by how much you talk about her and love her. What you said about her seeing her mommy's relationship with christ. let her SEE you pray, and HEAR you pray. pray with her. She will know. She will feel it, you know?
happy birthday!
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