Sunday, July 20, 2008
I want to have a house full of kids, I want to own my own bakery, I want to own a horse farm in Montana, I want to see my children get married and I want to ride off happily into the sunset with my husband.
What about that is pleasing to Christ? Nothing. I sat in church just broken. I realized that my life as I live it is in no way shape or form pleasing to Christ. What do I do to spread his word? What do I do to help the family of Christ grow? What do I do? Nothing. Plain and simple. I don't volunteer at church. I don't go to a lifegroup. I don't spend a lot of time outside of church in prayer. I go to church on Sundays, feel holy and pleased with myself on Mondays and I listen to Klove all week. What a slackjaw Christian I have become. I am the very epitome of what I dislike about Christianity. Then I sit here and I battle with myself. When do I have time for a lifegroup? I don't even have time to clean my house? When do I have time to volunteer? I don't want to go to a Lifegroup I'll get burned by Christian girls once again. I don't know as much about the Bible as half of the people in a Lifegroup. Why go? Can't the same thing be achieved at home?
I've been battling with myself long enough, people. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being content. I want to be on fire. I want to burn with the passion of Christ. I want my daughter to grow up with an awe for her mom's relationship with Christ. I want to be the epitome of Christ's grace and love for the world to see. I want so much more than I am! I am called to be so much more than I am. So what now? How do I start?
Friday, July 18, 2008
It's unreal. Here's my little one only about an hour or two old. 7 pounds 11 ounces of pure gorgeousness! Three weeks later we would have to take Brinley in to have her spine scanned. The pediatrician saw warning signs of Spina Bifida. We were blessed and she was cleared of all concern on her one month birthday!
Here she is at one month. Reflux was a terrible problem at this age, however, we didn't know it was reflux. The the amazing web of Christ's plans for us we wound up with a day care provider that knew what to do and when. Between her, our pediatrician and God's gracious healing we were able to start Brinley on 5 different medications to help her get through the reflux episodes.
Here's my happy two months old! I missed a LARGE majority of this month with my baby girl. The fire at work had me away from her so much more than I ever wanted. I missed a lot this month and am so upset about it. I'll never get that time with her back.
Finally the 3 month mark! What a little personality she has! Her reflux is finally under control and she's not having such violent fits. She's able to breathe during the episodes now and doesn't go as rigid as she once did. We are forever grateful for the healing that the Lord has blessed us with. She's finally on the road to recovery!!!
Finally four months! She now has two teeth coming in, has had her first ear infection and cold and is 14 pounds. She's incredibly vocal and has recently started laughing. Her smile is my light and the joy of my every day. She's such a different baby than she was just 4 months ago. Jason and I are truly blessed!
My hope and dreams for Brinley are that she grows up to love Christ more than she loves herself and to trust in Him for her strength and courage. I hope that she always follows the path less taken and that she uses the grace of Christ as her guiding light. I pray that Jason and I can be half the parents she deserves.