Saturday, August 7, 2010

blogger sucks has officially deleted a post I worked on for over 24 hours.

i'm pretty pissed. not gonna lie.

i've moved my blog to

go be impressed at how not sucky it is.


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Generation Sissy-Pants

Are you a fearless parent? I understand that it seems as much an oxymoron as good colonoscopy or sugar free cheesecake. (Colonoscopy and cheesecake in one sentence? Wow, this post is off to a fantastic start.) Fearless parenting is possible. I promise.

If humans are not born with a spirit of fear where did the knowledge, understanding and submission to fear come from? Yes, fear is created from the knowledge of evil but infants and two year olds don't understand evil. Who does? Their parents. My belief is that parents inflict a crippling sense of fear on their children from the day they were born. Like it or not, I have done this very thing to my child unintentionally. I have gasped when she does something that I fear, I have told her not to do things when I fear that she might scrape a knee, fear, worry, panic, etc. etc. This is what most people would consider "good parenting" so how can this (in my opinion) be crippling a whole generation of children?

All the children see is a parent who worries, fusses over their every move and has a constant attitude of fear for their child's safety and well being.
Think about this. If a child saw his or her parents praying over a situation rather than fearing it how do you think it would affect them? If you encouraged your child to swim instead of fussing, panicking and putting them in every flotation device known to man don't you think that they may have more confidence and better success swimming? What if instead of telling the child that they can't climb the jungle gym by themselves you told them that you had faith in them and you knew that all things are possible through Christ and that God has their safety in His hands?

That's all good and swell until the kid falls and ends up the hospital with 30 stitches and a broken arm, right? Maybe not.

Let's look at the long term goal, here. Do you want your child to be afraid to try new things, go new places and reach new goals? Do you want your child to be too suffocated with worry and fear that they never reach for their dreams? Fear starts small and it all starts with us - the parents.

Parents we need to get on our knees. We need to be constantly praying for the safety and well being of our children and we should be doing it in front of our children. Imagine growing up knowing that there is a God who loves you, knows you and has His hand of protection around you. That's pretty awesome. Just as importantly we need to be aware of how we react to situations in front of them. If we gasp and cry, rush to their side and hover over them every time they bonk their head or skin their knee we are only creating a sense of fear in them. They will now be afraid to fall down. If they are too afraid to fall how are they ever going to learn to get back up?

By worrying over them we effectively counteract everything we have ever told them about God and the protection and gifts He has given them. Our children are not going to learn to be brave and confident if we are not bravely confident in our God. God has it under control, parents. I promise. Let's take a step back, pray and have confident faith that God knows what's best for our children. Let's promise to instill a sense of courage, power and a knowledge of God and His strength in them. For a child to know that they are a directly connected to the current of the God that created the heavens and the earth... that's better than being Batman's wing-man.

Personal blip - Brinley has always been a very brave and tough child. I very firmly believe it is because we have not raised her with a spirit of fear. We are encourage her to do new things and do not flutter over her with worry and panic when she falls or messes up. We pick her up, kiss the boo-boo, assure her that she's okay and send her on her way. If we showed fear every time she fell down the steps, stubbed her toe, closed her fingers in the fridge or got scratched by the dogs she would grow up too afraid to do a lot of things.

This summer Brinley has become infatuated with swimming. (Watch out Nemo and Lightning McQueen, my daughter likes water more than you.) She wears floaties and sunscreen and has the time of her life. As a mom it was all too easy for me to panic every time she would bob in the water unevenly or get chlorine in her eyes, but I had to learn to take a step back, have faith in God's protection around her and let her learn. Now, let me be clear, I was not in the house drinking mimosas while my two year old daughter went for a swim. I (and many other people) were in the pool with her but never fussing over her or encouraging a spirit of fear.

This past weekend Brinley encountered a slide (an eight foot, curved slide that leads directly into the deep end of the pool to be specific). My immediate reaction is - Heck, I wouldn't even go down that slide so naturally there's no way Brinley would. I was wrong. I watched her repeatedly get out of the pool, walk over to the stairs, climb up, sit down and slide down (often head first) into the pool. Every single time she laughed on the way down and was still laughing when she came above the water. I could not be more proud.

It's moments like these that I pray and thank God that I have a healthy, confident and brave daughter that falls and knows how to get back up, that isn't afraid to do down the slide head first into the deepend and that knows her God loves her. That makes all the bumps and scrapes worth it.

Please understand that I am not saying that I have it all figured out or that my way of parenting is the only way. With that said, I honestly believe that we are raising a generation of children who are going to be too afraid to fail, fall or try new things because the parents have instilled a spirit of fear in them, not of faith. Lets be the different ones. Let's encourage and pray for our children.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

three hundred and sixty some odd days later...

did you know it's been a year since I last posted on this blog? did you know that I had completely forgotten this even existed? did you know that I stopped blogging because someone I didn't need to worry about said not nice things and did equally not nice things? did you know she needs more Jesus than she has? did you know I pray for her... not as often as I should but I do?

so it's been a year and here's what's going on.

1. i am writing a book.
b. i have the best job ever at S Studio Salon and Day Spa
III. my daughter is more beautiful than yours.
4. jason is a great husband and he's mine. not yours.
e. i have fantastic friends. be jealous.
VI. my baking company died. i'm going to pull a Lazarus and bring it back.
7. i have fertility problems. again. and again.
h. i have allowed myself to become completely obsessed with music. this time it's good stuff. (no offense hanson or 'nsync - i still love you.)
IX. i take my camera and lap top with me everywhere. ev. ery. where.
10. i secretly like chick-lit. and by 'love' i mean obsessively stalk.

so what can you expect here?
probably a little bit of tactless wit.
book suggestions / reviews.
blips and blurbs.
commas - and a lot of them.

read if you like. stop if you don't.
you'll kill my self-esteem if you don't but that's okay.
go on.
kill it.
i see you.
yes, you.
thanks for nothing.


ps. if you're still here, you're my favorite. like butter - or diet dr. pepper.

Monday, July 27, 2009

What Brinley Did Today

Brinley had Macaroni and Cheese for Dinner.

Then she tried on some nifty shades.

Then she decided to terrorize the dogs.

Next she had a wardrobe change and decided to go for a swing.

And then a romp.

And then on a twig finding adventure with Sandler and Holly.

Only then did she notice the creepy neighbor and cling to mommy's leg.

Then back inside for a few moments of being cute.

Then right back to the time out stool.

This all happened within a time frame of 2 hours. :)
Welcome to the lovely life of a mother to a toddler.

I heart my daughter.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Monday, March 23, 2009

Becki: (n) - An intricate being of emotion and creativity. A sinner.

I am a good person. I am mature for my age and a decent member of society. I bathe. I return my shopping cart to its place in the parking lot. I respect others. I am reliable. I listen. I absorb things that matter like a sponge. I’m a hard worker. I acknowledge the differences in others and accept them for who they are. I love equally. I volunteer at my church. I bake meals for those after big life events. I even smile at my mother-in-law. I am a truthful and trustworthy person. I can keep a secret like no one else. I am a people pleaser to the core - making you happy makes me happy.

I can’t stand myself.

I am a sarcastic person. I’m very passive aggressive. I am insecure. I hate cocky people. I don’t like not being the best at something. I fear being marginal. I dislike consistently happy people. I am a loner to the extreme. I hate being smothered. I won’t believe you if you praise me. I only give people one chance. I don’t like people of authority. I crush easily - make me laugh and I’m yours. I pick fights to see if you think I’m worth it. I am a basket case.

I am five foot seven inches on paper but in my head I’m five foot eight and a half. My hair is naturally some shade of brown that I can’t remember through all the years of red, blonde, light brown and now nearly black. My eyes are blue with a distinct pattern of gray in them. I don’t know if they change with my mood but I feel like they would. I am in no shape - other than round and pear like. I spend a majority of my time thinking about everyone else and how to make their lives easier. I come very last in my book. Spending any kind of time or money on myself feels like a sin, a waste or a very selfish act.

I am 25 and still have no idea what I am going to do with my life. I’ve considered, esthetician, cosmetology, senior housing, non-profit, education, writing, baking, home child care, ranching, interior decorating, home design, social worker, travel agent, event planning, bridal gown sales and just about everything else you can imagine. All I really know is that I’m not going to be happy until I find my niche and I’m still looking. Oh I forgot to mention, clothing designer, artist, animator, musician, website designer and photographer. All I seem to be moderately good at right now is being a mom.

I’ve managed to keep my daughter alive for a year now. And the saints come marching in. I never believed we would make it this far. Someone should have tied my tubes right after my wedding ring went on my finger. Who in the world gave me the ability to reproduce and what the heck were they thinking? It’s true that any boob can have a child but it takes a braver person than I to be a decent parent. I try to go everything I can to make sure that she has the best life possible but there are days when all I want to do is get up and leave. Then I think of my mom and how brave she was and I continue my journey for Brinley.

I am not worthy of Christ’s love. I am guilty of every sin in the book except for murder of the physical sense. Worship moves me to tears. I lift my hands in surrender and reaching for my Father. There is nothing more amazing than the feeling of His hands in mine or His arms around mine as I worship. I am self-conscious about prayer and ‘Acting Christian’ but worship is where I know that I can be me. Worship is where God and I connect on the deepest level.

I take the words 'introvert' and 'private' to the extreme. I would rather be somewhere all by myself than with a group of people. Loud public places can be the most private if you know how to shut your mind off. Clear the mechanism. I would love to spend a whole day in a cafe with my laptop and a blank page infront of me. It would be the most productive time of my life. My imagination flows better with the white noise of other people's conversations.

This is my train of thought. This is who I am today. Tomorrow might be different but for now.. here's me.

Monday, March 2, 2009


I feel so distant from the path that God has set before me that it's painful. I can't seem to keep my feet in His footprints or follow His voice in the darkness. My life is miserable most days and I'm not going to lie to try and hide it. I'm too young to be married and have a kid. I never partied. I never had a wild night out. I was never able to just - be a kid/teenager. I've never been with anyone but my husband. I've never had an actual college experience. I've never done drugs. I've always been stuck with responsibility and maturity beyond my years and now I'm finally sick of it. I've never saught out other means of comfort but suddenly my worldly body is longing for these things and I don't know why. Why is it so danged tempting to want everything that we don't have even if we KNOW that it's not going to get us anywhere but more pain and back where we started at the very bottom of the pit of pain and self-loathing? Why in the world do I long to go out and get absolutely sloshed? Why do I long for the relief of being numbed by drugs? Why do I look forward to business trips to get away? Why do I say the normal "oh i missed them so much" line when I don't really mean it? Why am I looking to other means for comfort? The longings of the world have such a strong grip on me right now that every second of every day temptaion is staring at me - smack in the face.
I am so proud of everyone around me making leaps and bounds in their relationship with 'papa' and here I sit completely confused and upset. I don't know what to do. Who to turn to. Where to go. What to ask for. Why I even feel this way. I feel lost. Lost beyond all meaning of the word right now and I hate it. I miss the words of love that used to be given to me by my Father. I miss the little pick-me-ups in the middle of a rough patch. I miss the feeling of knowing that He is there and He does love me. I don't know what to do. The world has a hold of my left hand and the longing for Christ has my right. I feel like I'm going to rip down the middle.